We’ve been sold a lie.

For as long as we can remember, women have been sold a lie.

That to be “beautiful” or “womanly”, there is a certain model or aesthetic.

You either fit it, or you don’t.

We spend millions of dollars a year, collectively, playing that game.

EVERYTHING from the clothes we wear, the trends we follow, the nails we get…

And don’t get me started on the “right way to act”… we have to show interest a certain way, talk a certain way, have sex a certain way…

I’m nauseous just thinking about it.

You know that the night I met my now husband, I was dressed like an alien?

I had tons of cystic acne, barely covered by my foundation.

I barely said two words to him.

But the morning after? He spent hours tracking me down, with only my name and graduating year to go off, plus the team I was on back in college.

If he wanted to, he truly would.

But one thing that’s always stood out to me was that he told me how similar all the women were.

How everyone was trying to look the same, dress the same…

They even thought the same.

And don’t get me wrong, there is definitely a market for every type of woman.

But what I’m saying is: you don’t have to try and fit into someone else’s ideal box.

The lie is: beauty comes from spending more money.

More clothes, more skincare products, more styles, manicures, pedicures, handbags…

After reading multiple polls over the weekend I can safely say that men give ZERO hoots about manicures/pedicures, or the style of jeans you’re wearing.

We have been force-fed “beauty” and “hotness”:

Women in movies, TV shows, magazine covers…

But let me ask you something — if you’re single, think of a married man you would want to be with, in an alternate reality.

Who is he married to?

Is it Kim Kardashian? Is it a Runway Model?

Likely.. not.

Last I checked Kim K was also single.

What if actually.. the ideal that is flaunted to us is NOT the ideal for every man?

I was dying laughing this morning because I asked my husband who the hottest Disney Character is.

I thought he’d say — the hot girl from El Dorado, or the sexy fish from Fish Tale.

He said: “the woman with the white hair from Atlantis”.

I read a poll the other day that said the ideal type physically was Turbo Granny from Dan Dan — that given a choice, MOST men would vote for a physical type just like hers.

I was like …. what?

Same goes for personality…

The children of the Baby Boomer generation were wildly impacted by the dark underbelly of the “50s Housewife”.

Many of them saw their mothers made vulnerable, exposed, financially ruined, humiliated at the hands of men who abused their power as husbands.

The utopian dream of a “stay at home mom” was blown to bits by financial abuse, cheating scandals, domestic abuse and more…

And so “submissive,” “never speaks up” “silenced woman” became tropes that we could point to regarding feminine energy that was actually not femininity at all.

Never depend on a man.

Never need a man.

While that is true for some men, it’s also a reaction to a collective trauma. A generation sold a dream that got blown to bits.

Gosh… I wonder who sold it? Also probably some marketing team wanting to sell Vacuums or Toasters.

Now, look — I’m not here to say that toxic men don’t exist.

They do, and we should want nothing to do with them.

The incel, Red Pill generation is a thing, there’s no denying it.

But most men… your average single guy… is looking for something that’s altogether quite simple:

A woman who knows what she is, owns her uniqueness, and treats herself well.

She enjoys making herself beautiful, because she loves herself.

She is warm, open, approachable, and generally speaking enjoys her time with him.

On the polls, do you want to know how highly ranked a manicure was on the list of what men showed that they want?

What about a sex-kitten who moans so loud it wakes the neighbors?

… Negligible.

Both were outranked by:

• A woman who lets him be a man (lets him chase and pursue)

• Has an air of mystery about her

• Enjoys him. Enjoys sex with him… etc

A woman who’s not so busy playing games and reading advice from Tik Tok that she’s lost the forest for the trees, deep in a 4-hour Sephora cart that costs a small fortune.

To speak to “beauty standards” — we win the game when we forfeit playing.

I’m not saying give up, that beauty doesn’t matter… it does.

You will not attract a husband by hating on men, shaming them for wanting beauty, looking for a guy who doesn’t care you’ve never waxed your arm pits…

I’m sure there is a market for that too though, but not the hating on them/shaming them part.

There are certain things we DO need to make peace with.

Beauty, and appreciation of beauty, is nourishment to the soul. It’s a public service to be a beautiful woman, in my opinion.

But that doesn’t mean we need to be beautiful in the way that Cosmopolitan says we should be.

That doesn’t mean you need to lose 50 pounds.

Time-and-time again search results have shown that men want curvy women.

They don’t need body building muscles.

They WANT some softness.

So my advice? Decide your vibe, and own it to the best of your ability.

If a woman is a freckled, red-headed, pale skinned angel with an etheral soul, rock that vibe and be the queen of the fairy princesses.

If you’re a Gothic queen, that’s a whole aesthetic.

If you’re a simple, “basic” type of femininity — blonde, Southern, loves her mama… that’s it for you (I mean how many of these women have incredible, adoring husbands? Tons. I actually rarely see them single, this is like your quintessential “wife”).

If your vibe is the hot girl from El Dorado or the sexy fish from Shark Tale (ie. a bangin’ pear-sized body and a short height), that’s your freaking vibe. Lord knows there’s a market for it.

There are millions of men looking for that exact type, whatever you are.

Stop wasting time trying to suit someone else’s mold.

STOP wasting money.

And if you’re single, start opening up to men who already know that it’s “you”.

Because while you’re busy blowing all your money on trying to look THAT way, women who accept themselves, love themselves and beautify the heck out of their unique aesthetic are scooping up men that know they’re his dream girl.